Dark Dreams, Darker Reality
by Coldredcynic
Summary: Tali finds herself becoming more and more obsessed with Shepard as time goes by. At the same time, she begins to notice that she is not the only one emotionally dependent on the commander. End of ME1 through to end of ME3. Mostly Tali POV. Rated M for Tali's language, twisted thoughts and both her and Shepard's extreme violence. Also rated for future references to intimacy.
1. Before Ilos

**AN: Ok, this will be my first attempt at a serious story. I've got an outline about 4 chapters long (so far), I've prepped, I'm ready. Let's do this. This fic was inspired by VenomRED's little talk about how people need to write more Talimance, and I figured instead of writing that usual mushy "Emotionalgirl!Tali" crap, I'd write a little...darker tale. Then I figured, 'Welp, If I'm going for dark, may as well take the dive to the deep end!' so...welcome to my Yandere!Tali story. So this is a (very) Darkfic. It will take place at varying times, though only the first chapter will be ME1. The fic will play around with the timeline and screw around with how certain events play out (expect a lot of loyalty missions to be brought up far sooner), and you can damn well rest assured it wont feature any damn star children. Expect a...pleasant surprise for my take on ME3's ending. NOTE: I'll be using a mixture of Calinstel, VenomRED, and Tairis Deamham's quarian terms. Credits go to them, Calinstel in particular. I'll be making some up as I go along, too. Feel free to use any you like.**

**Also I'm really really sorry about the stupid lame title. It'll change, promise.  
**

**ONWARDS.**

**DISCLAIMER: I Dont own the mass effect series.**

* * *

The Pangaea Expanse. Virgin, unexplored territory. Tali had to admit, the idea of being one of the first people to ever explore a new system was an exciting experience. The fact that they were unable to take the time to explore it in detail was considerably less so, Especially considering what they were actually doing here.

_'Saren...that Fesh'lik! If it weren't for him, I'd still be safe on my pilgrimage, not hurtling towards a planet full of cultist Geth!'_

No sooner had she thought it did another, much more frightening thought enter her head.

_'But I'd never have met **him** either...Shepard...'_

Shepard. John Shepard. Commander John Shepard. Soldier, Spectre, Butcher of Torfan.

The focus of Tali's life. Her life, her love, her **everything**.

As she always did when thinking of him, her mind drifted back to the day on the citadel, seemingly a lifetime ago.

* * *

_Dark corridors, lights reflecting from distant marketplaces. The stench of garbage, the crusty patches of old blood. Did Fist take her for a fool? Did he really think she would blindly waltz into such an obvious trap? Her fingers tightened around the collapsed barrel of her shotgun. the data feeds in her helmet blinked, alerting her that her omnitool had gathered the necessary static charge needed to overload the shields of any fool who tried to accost her. She found her self hoping for a betrayal, a drunkard, anything to let her spill organic blood. The geth had been a nice diversion, a slight reprieve from the little voice in her head that cried for blood. She'd even got this data from it, a fact she took great pride in. Maybe Fist would send a fellow quarian to 'conduct' this deal with her. She could see it now, the suit rupturing, the hisses of air bubbling up from the lungs, her father begging for mercy and her denying it, just as he had denied...She shook her head. This was not the time for fantasy. She spotted a lone turian up ahead. This **had** to be Fist's agent. She stepped forward into the light, looking all the galaxy like an innocent, lost girl. The turian stepped forward, a slight swagger to his step._

_'That's it, relax. Why worry about me, after all, I'm just a little quarian way out of her league...'_

_"Where's Fist? Where's the broker?" She demanded, putting just a hint of a warble into her voice._

_"Relax, baby, Just hand me the data and you get your credits." The turian replied, raking his eyes over her suit._

_Tali thought she heard gunshots in the distance. It didn't really matter, she was in the wards, gunshots weren't that uncommon._

_"The message I got said Fist would be here. I'm only giving the data to him. Where is he?" Another warble, slightly more pronounced._

_'C'mon, draw that pistol you think is hidden, do it!'_

_"I'm Fist's agent, you don't think He works directly with his clients do you?"_

_'There. Perfect excuse. Sorry birdie, time's up'_

_"No way, the deal's off." She took a step back, fingers reaching round to grab the shotgun._

_"Idiot girl." The turian snarled, hands reaching for the pistol._

_He never even touched it. A deafening roar rang out, mass-accelerated pellets flying point-blank into the turian's chest, shields failing against the onslaught of hyper-accelerated metal, armor shedding away like the cloth of a Realk, blood fountaining out as he flew backwards._

_"Who's the idiot, now, Turian?" She taunted back, reveling in the destruction her gun had caused. He sneered back, even as he bled out, "You are girl. Did you...really think...I...was alone?"_

_Her shields flared. Two salarians stepped out of the opposite ends of the alley, pistols ringing out. She swore and dove behind a nearby crate, cursing her own stupidity._

_'Bosh'tet, of course Fist wouldn't just send one person. Now I'm caught in a crossfire.'_

_She peeked over the edge of the crate and quickly dove back down again as her suit shrieked out an alarm, informing her that her shields had failed. Engineers. Det Kazuat!_

_Out of nowhere, a loud ringing shot sounded and she heard a body fall. Seconds later, another shot, another body. She again peeked over the crate and saw the corpses of the salarians. She whirled around, shotgun raising, blood surging, voices shrieking that more blood would spill._

_Then she saw **him**, and the voices fell silent. A human, no three humans, another two rushing into the alleyway. She ignored them in favor of the one who had made the voices stop._

_Tali had always considered herself a bit of a xenophile, she certainly held no love or attraction to her own species. She had ogled a few asari, checked out a few turians, even peeked at a male human in an old copy of Fornax. Nothing compared to this._

_This man, this...avatar of the ancestors...stood out. No helmet, typical human skull shape, a light brushing of the curious facial hair growth humans exhibited. A solid body, framed in black and red armor. Tali ignored most of this in favor of his eyes. His eyes that shone with fire, and more importantly, with the same mad bloodlust she knew her own shone with. Even more importantly, the voices, normally a constant, maddening whisper in her head, said nothing. She dared not look anywhere else but this man's eyes for fear they would come again._

_"That Bosh'tet Fist set me up! I knew I couldn't trust him!"_

_Was that her voice? She couldn't remember saying anything. Why would she waste her breath when she could be looking at those eyes more?_

_"Are you Ok, Miss...?"_

_"Tali. Tali'zorah Nar Rayya. I'm..." 'Speechless. awestruck. unworthy.' "I'm fine. Who..." 'summoned you from the Oriks'aiz?' "...are you?"_

_"Commander Jonathon Shepard, Alliance marines." He nodded towards the two other humans. "Staff Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Also of the Alliance. We received a tip-off that a man named Fist had set you up, in an attempt to obtain Data concerning a turian spectre named Saren Arterius's involvement with the Geth."_

_This...Shepard...wanted her data? He had seemed to spit the word geth out like a curse, and he **had** saved her. It was the least she could do. Perhaps she might even convince him to let her join him. Anyone who could make the voices stop was someone worth following._

_"Of...Of course! I mean, if you're investigating the Geth then of course you can have it! I wouldn't want..." 'to ever let the voices come back' "To obstruct a criminal investigation."_

_He smiled at her, and suddenly all was right with the galaxy._

_"Thank you, Miss Zorah. If you could just follow me, I'll escort you to the council and you can submit your data as evidence."_

* * *

One thing had led to another. Shepard had been made a spectre, ordered to hunt down Saren, and most importantly to her he had allowed her to join him.

He had shown her his ship, a technological marvel named the Normandy, he had let her onboard and had told her that she was allowed full access, and that anyone who gave her a hard time was to be sent to him. She idly noticed that he had told the same thing to the krogan and turian he had recruited as well, and told herself privately that he was just being courteous, that he had told her first of the privileges and that was what counted.

Then for the next 4 galactic standard months he had flown around the galaxy, hunting Saren. He had encouraged the alien crews to socialize, had brutally disciplined any crewmember who muttered a word of dissent, and had helped the various members of his crew with any and all problems they had come to him with. He had given her data on the geth that he had recovered from a geth base in the Armstrong nebula, he had helped the turian Garrus hunt down and kill some salarian scientist, and he had shot up a museum in search of the krogan Wrex's family armor.

Of much more interest to Tali was the way he fought. She had, as all members of the strike team had, been present on all major missions concerning the hunt for Saren. Feros, Noveria, Therum, Virmire. She had also been present for countless smaller missions with just him, her and a third member, usually Garrus present. Every time she had seen him fight, she recognized it. It was the same way she had fought before meeting him, wild and bestial. He seemed to take the same savage joy in killing she did, but he never lost control of himself. It was rage, but a cold, controlled rage. Much the same as hers was when in his presence, when the voices fell silent and she could simply submit to his will, lose herself to his orders.

He was so curious too! He seemed to come down and talk to her every chance he had, asking about the Fleet, Quarian lifestyle, their history with the Geth. He even took an interest in the Khellish language. She would always tell herself, at night in the pod, that he showed the same curiosity to every species on the ship. But she knew. She knew that he only asked the others out of fairness, out of a desire to not be seen playing favorites. Only she was asked out of true curiosity. Only her.

* * *

Her reverie was broken as a soft, female voice called out her name.

"Tali? Tali are you all right?"

She looked over the table at the person who had spoken. Liara T'soni, the last recruit Shepard had picked up on Therum. Daughter of Matriarch Benezia, who they had killed on Noveria.

Tali hated her. Hated her voice, her naiveté, the way she looked at the commander. It was obvious Liara was obsessed with him. Every female crewmember was to an extent, even that frigid racist bitch Ashley, but Liara...Liara was truly obsessed. Every time Shepard walked into the room, Liara turned to him. The way she fawned over him, the way she talked about him...It made Tali sick.

_'You stupid asari slut, don't you realize what he wants? He doesn't want some stupid whiny girl, he wants a **woman**, a **warrior**. Not some sniveling scientist. He's too untamed, too wild for you. You'd break, you would **shatter** before him, his passion, his majesty. No, only **I** can give him what he needs, what he deserves. Not **you,** not that bitch Ashley either.** Me. Only ME!**'_

The voices began their whispering, telling her how to subtly rid herself of the stupid slut. A quick hack into the Normandy's systems, a hazard-cleaning of the med-bay storage...no. No, because Shepard would find out, would trace it back to her, and then he would look at her and be disappointed and kick her off the ship and the voices would come back and...no. No, she could wait. She could be patient. She would be patient, because the time would come when Shepard realized that only she could give him what he wanted, only she could even hope to match his nature.

"Yes, Liara, I'm fine. Just a bit nervous is all. We're almost done, almost have Saren now. I guess I'm just eager to see it through."

As the final night cycle before planet fall fell, Tali dreamt of victory, of her and Shepard standing over the broken corpse of Saren, both bloody, both laughing, embracing in a glorious dance of death and destruction.

* * *

**AN: And done. Before anyone starts bitching, please note this is MY headcanon. It's just my interpretation, and if you want moe-moe-tali, you're free to go elsewhere. everyone else, stick around! Don't worry, I'm sure the chapters will get longer. I just wanted to get this chappy out fast.**

**Glossary of Khellish:**

**(Original) Fesh'lik: Quarian equivalent to C**t. Lit. "Unperson"**

**(Canon) Bosh'tet: You should know this by now, but it means 'Sonuvabitch', or 'Bastard'**

**(Calinstel) Det Kazuat: lit. Sack of living shit. Somewhere between Bosh'tet and Fesh'lik in terms of severity.**

**(Calinstel) Realk: The cloth that Quarian hoods are made out of.**

**(Original): Oriks'aiz: Lit. Plane of wrath. Quarian equivalent of hell. Tali is basically comparing Shepard to a demon.**

**See you all next chapter! Expect 3 days to a week for next update. Want to make sure its nice and long.**


	2. Freedom's Progress

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mass effect series. There would be no star child magic if I did.**

**AN: Ok, so last chapter Tali was crazy, but she wasn't _crazy_, if you catch my drift. This chapter will be the major jumping point between Canon and my fic, and it will also feature a much more obsessed Tali. Enjoy.**

**Oh, and as a quick reminder, yes Tali is much more violent. Yes she was kind of krogan-like during the alley scene. This is _intentional_. As I said, my Tali is _much_ different to Canon. There is _serious_ bad blood between her and her father, and this among other things has _broken her_. This will get touched on briefly, but there is much more buried. I'm switching between past and present tense, so bear with me here. I've tried to keep the past and present tense sections separated as best I could.**

* * *

Two years.

Two years of emptiness.

Two years of the Voices, whispering, scheming, clawing their way back into her head.

Two years of pain and anguish and nightmares.

Two years, and Tali still remembered it like it was yesterday.

* * *

_It had been just like any other day, the sleek Normandy gliding though space, investigating and hunting down the rogue pockets of Geth. Tali was down in engineering, helping Adams and the 'repair team' as Shepard called them manage the drive core._

_She liked Adams, as much as she could like any human who was not Shepard. Adams was quietly accepting of her, never pushing, never prodding. He respected her technical ability and did not pry into her personal life, and Tali felt that was absolutely fine._

_"Tali, all clear on the core temp?" He called over._

_"15% of maximum and rising at a rate of 5% per hour. We've got 10 hours before I recommend we deactivate stealth systems." She responded._

_The stealth system was one of the many things that made the Normandy different from the average alliance frigate, the other being the absolute enormity of its drive core, 2 times the size of any other in the alliance fleet, proportionally speaking. It was a new style of drive core, codenamed Tantalus, and it worked by constantly creating high mass 'pockets' for the ship to fall into. Shepard had spoke with her about the myth of Tantalus, of a sinful man condemned to hunger and thirst forever, with food and drink eternally just out of his reach. Given the manner in which the drive core worked it seemed fitting._

_They were currently over the planet of Alchera, an empty frozen world of little interest to any organic race._

_Tali had been stricken by nightmares for a few days now, horrible dreams in which Shepard, **her** Shepard, was torn away from her, flung into a black void filled with the Voices, all the while she remaining paralyzed, unable to help. She told her self if they continued she would approach him about it. Perhaps such a display would tug at his compassion for his crew, and he would invite her up to talk about it and...No, it would not do to fantasize. Her victory over the other women on this ship, inevitable though it was, would require time and patience. She **would** still talk to him about it. Every edge counted._

_Then, spearing her heart like a lance, a single blaring klaxon sounded, followed seconds later by a flash of white and a rippling shockwave that threw her across the room._

_After regaining her balance and checking for suit ruptures, and a (rather cursory) attempt at locating other survivors of the now ruined engineering deck, she made her way up to the main deck. She made her way towards the command center, looking desperately for Shepard. He would know what to do, he always did._

_Rounding a corner, she found him putting on his sealed helmet. He turned._

_"Tali! Are you alright? Any suit breaches?"_

_A distant part of her mind melted at the poorly hid concern in the questions, but she concentrated on survival._

_"Yes, Shepard. I'm fine. what's going on? Engineering is...is..."_

_"They're dead, aren't they?" He finished her sentence._

_"Yes. I got lucky, got thrown up against the emergency stairwell. What in Oriks'aiz is going on?"_

_"We're under attack by some sort of unknown craft. Most of the crew's hit the escape pods already, you get into one too."_

_As he began to stalk off, she grabbed at his arm._

_"What about you, Shepard?" 'Please, don't go. Don't leave me. Please. Don't let the Voices be right.'_

_"I've got to go get that damn fool of a pilot, Joker. Ashley said he was refusing to abandon ship."_

_Tali felt a sudden surge of hate for Joker. Why was he not leaving? Shepard and her could be getting off the now rapidly disintegrating ship if it weren't for him._

_"Shepard, come on, Joker's not that dumb, he's probably already left, Please, just..."_

_He whirled on her, grabbing her arms and staring directly into her visor._

_"Tali, get to the pods **now. **This is an **order**"_

_His voice, cold and demanding, overrode her conscious objections and she found herself automatically clambering into an escape pod. She barely noticed Chakwas climbing into the same pod, her mind full of a strangely warm feeling._

_'He gave me an order. A direct order. It wasn't meant for anyone else but **me**. He was worried about **me**.'_

_Tali knew Shepard cared for his crew, but she also knew he really cared about her more. The voices, incessant in their taunting up till then had fallen silent, just as they always did when Shepard spoke to her. She turned, watching as the Normandy fell apart completely as the strange beam weapon fired again_

_A sudden cold coursed through her body. She leaned over and grabbed the intercom, speaking into the emergency communication frequency._

_"Command pod, this is Pod 12, repeat command pod this is pod 12. Status?"_

_Seconds passed, and her dread grew as each did._

_"Pod 12, this is Command pod. One survivor, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, reporting."_

_Tali was silent for a few moments, and then she began to scream._

* * *

After the rescue, everything passes in a blur. A memorial service on the citadel, the newly instated human council offering empty words, empty platitudes.

Liara coming up and attempting to comfort her, her turning and nearly shooting the asari before Garrus restrains her.

Tears, wails, and screams to the ancestors of the unfairness of it all.

The voices taunting her, ridiculing her for thinking she could escape them.

A dull, featureless trip back to the fleet.

More empty congratulations, assurances that the data she has brought as her pilgrimage gift is worthy of her status of an admiral's daughter. She nearly shoots that bosh'tet Zaal'Koris when he says that, as if the knowledge that **that thing** that calls itself her father will be proud will make her happy.

She knows better, **it** is never pleased, **it** can never be pleased. Nor will she ever make an attempt to do so even if **it** could. Only one person in the entire galaxy is, **was** worth trying to please, and he is dead, lost to the void of space over Alchera.

Two years.

Two years have passed, during which she has steadily risen to notice by the admiralty board, all assignments given to her performed punctually and to perfection. No one notices that she completes the missions listlessly, that for her it is nothing more than rote repetition. She has mastered faking her emotions, always ready to welcome some new engineer, offer a quick word of encouragement to a youngling embarking on their pilgrimage.

She is kind, calm, and utterly perfect at her job. She is the model quarian, selfless, always thinking of the good of the fleet first.

She hates each and every single one of them.

How she wishes she could simply rig a bomb in the drive core, leave some foreign contaminant from a ground mission in the air filtration system.

She knows why she does not do these things, it is because each time she makes to do so, the face of a man two years dead appears, looking at her with a disappointed face and uttering a single word. No.

She obeys the apparition each time it appears. She reconfigures the drive core back to its default status, dismantles the toxin emitter. Every day she makes to commit some act of sabotage and the shade appears, and each night she goes to sleep weeping that she has upset it again.

* * *

Now she was in command of an entire ground team, on some human colony named Freedom's progress. They were there to retrieve a quarian named Veetor'Nara after the fleet received a distress beacon from him.

She hated that she had been given command, not because she did not want command but because the team she had been given command of grated on her nerves more than any other had in the last two years. Prazza'Mal was the name of the marine corporal she had been attached to, and he was the biggest bigot she had ever met of. She swore to herself at the start of the mission that she would kill him someday, and when no ghost appeared, she took it as silent approval from her commander's spirit.

"Tali'Zorah, _ma'am._" The amount of vitriol imbued in that last word was astounding.

_'Does that Fesh'lik have no concept of the idea of military discipline at all?'_ She thought to herself with disgust.

"Yes, Prazza'Mal?" She responded, turning to him.

"The sensors have picked up another shuttle entering the atmosphere. Ula'varl caught sight of it as it landed. It's _Cerberus_, ma'am."

Cerberus. A militantly pro-human terrorist group. Shepard had hated them, called them backwards-thinking fools. He had destroyed quite a few of their operations, most of which involved some horrible experiment.

"Tell him and Quo'sar to regroup with us. If Cerberus is here, they definitely aren't going to be friendly to a bunch of quarians."

"Yes ma'am."

Tali was no fool, she could guess why Cerberus was here. Probably trying to find evidence of whatever had made the entire colony vanish. Given that this colony was in the terminus, Cerberus was the only human organization that could actually investigate.

Blood. The voices began their whispering for it, their craving. She grinned. She had told herself that she would not kill humans if she could avoid it, to honor Shepard. But Cerberus wasn't human. Cerberus was scum. Scum she could kill.

Once the squad had regrouped, she quickly ordered them into a defensive position, and they prepared to meet the Cerberus forces. She heard gunfire, distant at first then growing steadily louder.

"Ok, no shooting unless they open fire first. We've got the advantage, let's see what they want."

She could feel Prazza's glare on her back.

"Ma'am, are you insane? This is Cerberus we're talking about, we should just kill the Bosh'tets as soon as they open the door."

"Oh don't worry, Prazza, I'm not intending to let them walk out of here alive. But they might have found Veetor, or know something about what happened to the colony. So we talk for a bit, and then as soon as it breaks down we let loose."

The door opened at that moment, and Tali got her first look at the Cerberus operatives. There were three of them, one female and two males. One of the males had extremely dark skin, which momentarily confused her until she remembered that Shepard had told her about how humans could look vastly different from each other. The other male, standing in the middle and obviously the leader was armored from head to toe. Despite that, she couldn't shake the feeling she'd seen him before.

"That's close enough, Cerberus. Why are you here?" She barked out. The human leader started, and slowly turned to look at her, and uttered one surprised word.

"Tali?"

Her world shattered. She **knew** that voice. How could she not, when it had kept the voices silent for four months? When it was that voice she fell asleep to, dreamt of, worshiped?

Then Tali saw red. How _**dare**_ Cerberus do this? How _**dare**_ they make this...this mockery of Shepard? This hideous mockery of everything she ever cared for?

"You _Fesh'liks! You Bosh'tets!_ How dare you! How dare you mock him! How dare you make me hear that voice again! I'll kill you all..."

"**Tali, calm. Down.**"

Tali fell silent, four months of ingrained reactions drilling a subconscious demand that that voice be obeyed at all costs.

"Tali, its **me**. I know this is hard to believe, but it really is me. Remember that data I gave you? All the talks we had about your language and culture?"

Tali collapsed to her knees. It was him. It was really him. By some miracle he'd survived, or been revived or something. Tali didn't care about how, all she cared was that it was **him**. He had come back, and he had found **her**. If this was not a sign from the ancestors she did not know what was.

"Shepard...SHEPARD!" With that, she rushed at him and threw her arms around him, sobbing and wailing and breaking down because he was back and all was right and good and she was going to be fine and...

"Tali what the hell are you doing, you traitorous Bosh'tet? I knew something was off about this mission, damn it!"

Prazza. She had forgotten about Prazza. Damn it all, how was she going to explain this?

"Prazza stand down, this is a friend, he's a friend ,we can work this..."

"No! I've had my suspicions about this ever since you got assigned to us, and I've had it! It's obvious you set this up to betray us! I'll kill you, you..."

He never finished the sentence. It would have been rather hard for him to do so, given that he was now missing half his head. She looked up. Shepard was holding some sort of heavy pistol, and the look in his eyes made her melt. He was angry, he was **livid** and it was because **she** had been threatened.

"**No-one** threatens my crew. **Ever.**"

He looked at Quo'sar.

"You want to try to hurt her too?"

Quo shook his head rapidly, looked at Ula'varl, and both ran off. She couldn't blame them. Who was stupid enough to fight an angry Shepard?

"Tali, I'm sorry about that, I lost my temper, It's been happening more ever since.."

"I understand. You always were protective of us."

She looked down and stepped back, suddenly nervous.

"Shepard, could I...I mean, if it's not too much trouble..."

He smiled, that damnably bright and wonderful smile.

"If you can come with us? Sure. I was going to ask anyways"

The human female glared at her.

"Shepard, her squad just tried to kill us and you're going to let her join? What if this whole thing is a setup?"

Shepard simply looked at the woman.

"Tali comes, or I leave. Your choice, Miranda."

The female -Miranda- glared a few more moments, then stepped back.

"If that's your order Shepard, fine."

Shepard turned his gaze to the dark skinned male, who raised his hands and shook his head.

"Hey, no complaints here Shepard. You're the boss."

Shepard looked back down at her, all smiles.

"Well, Miss Zorah, welcome back."

She smiled back. Shepard was alive and well, she was part of his crew, and the voices had gone. All was good with the galaxy.

"Thanks Shepard, it's good to..." _'Be with you, see you, bask in your presence'_ "be back."

* * *

Tali hummed to herself as she worked over the Tantalus drive core. It was as if the last two years had never happened, she mused. Here she was, working alongside a human crew on a human vessel named Normandy, serving under Shepard.

It was even better in some ways, Liara was gone, as was Ashley. Replacing them as threats for Shepard's attention were Gabriella Daniels, a fellow engineer, and that Cerberus bosh'tet Miranda. Tali wasn't nearly as worried about them. Gabriella was head over heels for Kenneth, the third engineer even if the stupid woman would never admit it, and Miranda was so frigid and cold Tali could tell Shepard hated her. Plus, neither of them had served with Shepard before. She had, and that meant she was in the lead.

All the same, she had kept that air filtration emitter blueprint in her omnitool in case the ice bitch got any ideas, since it was obvious that for all her cold words and attitude she was attracted to Shepard. Tali couldn't fault her that, it was impossible as far as she was concerned to be a straight female and not be attracted to him, But the bosh'tet had better not get any ideas, or she'd quickly find herself suffocating out.

Tali could actually pull this off, because the new Normandy had something the old one didn't. Namely an onboard A.I that could easily be blamed for any...malfunctions the ship suffered. She thought back to the rather disastrous introduction she had had with the machine.

* * *

_"Welcome to the new Normandy, Tali."_

_Tali looked around in wonder. This ship had to be twice the size of the original Normandy easily._

_"It's...huge, Shepard."_

_Stupid! That was all she could say? 'it was huge'? Ancestors..._

_He laughed, a sound that Tali would never ever get tired of hearing._

_"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction. The main deck got split in two, with an armory and a lab taking up most of the rear second deck and the crew quarters being relocated to the third deck alongside the medical bay. I've got my own private quarters, as well." He sounded rather amused at that last bit, as if the concept of private quarters bewildered him. _

_Tali couldn't imagine why, surely as...well, as **Shepard** he deserved private accommodations? He thoughts were interrupted by him speaking up once more._

_"Engineering is just the same as you probably remember it. Same drive core, same size proportions. It'll be like old times..."_

_He fell silent, obviously remembering the incident which had claimed his life. He had spent the majority of the time on Freedom's progress telling her of how Cerberus had rebuilt him, how a race known as the Collectors were abducting human colonies and of how Cerberus's leader, The Illusive Man theorized that the collectors were working for the Reapers. Tali really didn't care what he was doing, as far as she was concerned as long as he did it with her in tow he could waltz up to the council and declare a coup._

_"I'm sure it will be Shepard. Did...did any of the old crew survive?"_

_She had to know, had to find out if either of her two rivals had lived, and more importantly if they were with him._

_"Well, everyone on the strike team survived. The Illusive Man tells me most of them have moved on. I'm just lucky I found you, honestly."_

_Her heart soared. He **cared**. He thought he was lucky to have her._

_"Oh, and there was one more old face. I'm sure you remember our pilot?"_

_With that, the seat at the front had swiveled around, and a familiar -and hated- voice had called out._

_"Hey Tali, good to see at least one of the old crew around here."_

_Tali had to suppress her instinct to pump the bastard's head full of mass rounds. How **dare** he be here, how **dare** he act as if nothing had happened! **He** had **killed** Shepard! How **dare **he show his face!_

_"H-Hello Joker. it's good to see you to." 'You Fesh'lik, if it weren't for the fact that Shepard likes having you around...'_

_Then a new voice had piped up, cold and impersonal. Synthetic._

_"Greetings, Tali'Zorah. Welcome aboard the Normandy."_

_Tali slowly turned her head, witnessing a blue orb pop up on a console._

_"Hello," She said guardedly, "and you are...?"_

_"I am E.D.I, short for Enhanced Defense Intelligence. I am the Normandy's A.I."_

_Tali swiveled her head around towards Shepard, who was looking distinctly nervous._

_"**Explain.**"_

* * *

Explain he had, telling her in no uncertain terms he had had the **exact** same reaction she had, and that only the knowledge that the A.I was severely shackled kept him from frying the A.I core completely. He had asked her to look over the code binding EDI to make absolutely sure, and she had grudgingly admitted that the abomination was indeed tightly and completely bound. She still didn't like it.

But even the presence of an A.I could not dampen her pure joy that she was really, truly here. With Shepard. On the Normandy. With Shepard. That she was **with Shepard again**.

* * *

**AN: And done. Ok so two things: First of all the whole Tali joining up scene was crap I know, and related to that I had originally planned on Tali sabotaging her team's shields and letting the mech kill them OR Tali secretly killing them during a firefight with Shepard and crew, but Shepard stepped up, damnable smooth-talker that he is and renegade-interrupted Prazza, so that's that.**

**So yeah Tali didn't come out as _violently_ crazy yet, but I'm going to show that side of her at _some point_ I promise. Again, this is My interpretation of Tali. I'm not forcing you to read, and I can understand that a lot of Talimancers aren't going to want to read a psycho Tali story. That's cool with me, Don't read what you don't like.**

**Ok It kind of peeked out here but my Shepard is also crazy as hell too. This will probably get explored as the romance deepens, but I'm trying to show it so it isn't just crazy girl meets guy and manipulates him into loving her. Shepard isn't going to be as naive to Tali's plans as she thinks. See ya around peeps.**


	3. Loyalty

**Yo, sup folks. Aiight, so this chappy will feature some "action" scenes (which I suck at) so cringe and bear it. 600 hits in 4 days makes me a happy camper. For those who have reviewed so far, thank you for the encouraging words.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the ME franchise.**

**YANDERE, HO!**

* * *

Loyalty, Tali mused, was a curious thing. People fought and died over loyalty. Loyalty had shaped entire cultures, hers included. Quarians were expected to live their whole lives on the fleet, with only a year or two away on pilgrimage. Thanks to the galaxy's negative stereotyping towards Quarians as a race, the vast majority of quarians who returned from pilgrimage did so with even greater loyalty towards the fleet, for it was the only place they could find acceptance.

Not her. She had not held loyalty towards the fleet since she was a young child, and she certainly did not hold any to it now. No, only one man held her loyalty, and it was a loyalty so fierce she would kill for it.

She was not the only one who held such loyalty to Shepard. Garrus was loyal to the commander, and she suspected he had been ever since the incident with Dr. Saleon. Even if his loyalty had not existed then, it certainly existed now that Shepard had again assisted Garrus with a personal matter. Her mind drifted back a few days to the citadel, the day she had seen the spark of fanaticism come alight in Garrus' eye.

* * *

_"So, remind me again what we're doing, Shepard?" Tali asked. She knew Garrus had asked the commander if they could make a stop by the citadel, to which Shepard had responded that they were due to pick up a new crew member there anyway._

_Garrus' request had taken precedent apparently, for they now found themselves entering the C-Sec offices near the docking bay._

_"We're looking for a man named Fade. Garrus says this guy can help us track down Garrus's old teammate."_

_"You mean my **traitorous** old teammate." Garrus growled._

_"Traitor?" responded Tali._

_"Long story, Tali. Let's just say I've got a lot of...catching up to do with him."_

_Any further discussion was halted as the doors swung open and a grizzled security officer stepped out._

_"Shepard! What can I do for the galaxy's first zombie spectre?"_

_Shepard laughed._

_"We're looking for a guy named Fade, Bailey. can you help us out?"_

_"Fade? We've been looking for him for a while too. Any particular reason you're after him?"_

_"We're trying to make him 'undisappear' someone. Garrus here has...business with one of Fade's clients."_

_Bailey squinted at Garrus' face._

_"Garrus...Garrus...wait, Garrus Vakarian? Presidium beat, hero of the citadel and all that?"_

_Garrus grinned, a look that did not suit the coldness in his eyes._

_"That's me."_

_Bailey looked somewhat impressed, Tali thought. Perhaps the turian's reputation in C-sec was well known? Or had Bailey merely recognized Garrus from the victory vids that had been recorded after Sovereign's attack?_

_"Well, I'm gonna guess that whatever you need to talk to this guy about, it ain't about C-sec business. What the hell, here's what we've got about Fade. Try not to make a mess, Shepard."_

_Shepard grinned and put on what Tali assumed was his 'totally trying to look innocent but failing entirely' face._

_"Mess? Me? Bailey you wound me."_

_"Yeah, yeah, get outta here. I need to have plausible deniability about you."_

_So they had headed down to Zakera 26 and wandered into some dingy warehouse, where they had found a volus and two krogan waiting for them. Shepard had shot the two krogan, scaring the volus enough to reveal that he was not Fade, merely a middle man. Once the volus had given Fade's actual location, they had all piled on to an aircar and taken off._

_Upon arrival to the location given, they had found it surrounded by Blue Sun mercenaries. Tali noticed that a slight change had come over Shepard, he seemed excited by the prospect of combat, even more so then he used to._

_Halfway through the facility, they ran into a problem, two YMIR mechs had been dropped directly in front of them. Tali had quickly hacked one of them and was in the process of leisurely pointing it in the location of a group of mercs when a high pitched whirring noise had sounded behind her._

_"Tali, watch out!"_

_A force hit her from behind and she went sprawling, dimly registering a dull whoosh above her head followed by an explosion._

_"Wha-" She turned over, and saw Shepard running full tilt towards the other YMIR, which she realized must have locked on to her with it's missile arm._

_Tali had seen many things, many **crazy** things before (most of them alongside Shepard), but few compared to the sight of Shepard clambering up the mech's torso, latching himself around its head and firing his M-55 Argus directly into the mech's frame._

_Shepard leaped off the mech just as its self-destruct protocols activated, rolling as he hit the ground and the mech detonated. Tali took a step towards him and suppressed a gasp. His eyes were glowing red._

_"Spirits Shepard, what the hell was that?" Garrus had clambered out of his cover and was now approaching Shepard slowly._

_"It was threatening Ta-my crew. **Nothing** threatens my crew."_

_After that, things had seemed tame. They had slaughtered their way through the remaining Blue Sun forces and reached Fade's office._

_Upon entering, they had found that Fade was in fact Harkin, who apparently had been one of Garrus' old C-sec partners. Garrus had swiftly begun interrogating the man, who acquiesced the information that Garrus' old teammate, a turian named Sidonis, would be at the Orbital lounge for a meeting._

_"Meeting, yeah. Meeting between him and a bullet." Garrus muttered, walking out of the office._

_He turned back to Harkin._

_"Oh, Harkin? A little something to remember me by." With that, he shot Harkin in the leg, eliciting a scream of pain from the man._

_"No, Garrus, that's not how you deal with someone like this." Shepard stepped forward, smiling at Harkin. He pulled out his own pistol, took aim and fired two rounds into Harkin's chest. The man slumped down as Shepard turned towards Garrus._

_"That's how you deal with scumbags like him."_

* * *

_They had taken the aircar to the Orbital Lounge. Garrus had split off from Tali and Shepard, moving into a firing position on a crosswalk above them. Sidonis was nowhere in sight, so they were currently lounging around, sipping drinks._

_"Hey, Shepard? Can...can I ask you a question?"_

_"Yeah, sure. What is it, Tali?"_

_"Earlier...when you attacked the mech, your eyes...they were glowing."_

_He looked confused for a second, then barked out a short laugh._

_"You mean my implants."_

_"Implants?" Tali was confused, what implants? He didn't look any different, besides the scars on his face._

_"Yeah, apparently rebuilding someone who went through an atmospheric re-entry isn't just a matter of putting shock paddles on them. Cerberus put a bunch of tech inside me. Most of it's life-support, heart-beat regulator, toxin filter to augment my kidneys. Some of it's more combat orientated, I've got muscle enhancers, oxygen boosters, a nano-carbide reinforced skeleton. I could probably have punched that mech to death, but it seemed more satisfying to just empty the clip."_

_"I...I see. What about your eyes?"_

_"Well, my optic nerves got fried from staring at the collector beam, so they had to rebuild that. They put some sort of filter on my retina, I can see better in low-light conditions now. As for the glowing bit, Dr. Chakwas says it's because stress aggravates the cybernetics somehow."_

_He chuckled again, looking down at his drink._

_"At least it lets everyone know when I'm angry."_

_He looked up again, staring at her visor._

_'So, what about you? What did my peerless quarian mechanic get up to in the two years I spent on a slab?"_

_Blushing at the praise, Tali stuttered out a reply._

_"W-well, I returned," **'Back to prison'** "back home to the fleet. The data you gave me served as a wonderful pilgrimage gift. I was allowed to choose a ship to serve on, and spent the first year," **'Almost sabotaging every last piece of machinery I saw'** "working as an engine mechanic. After that, I began being put on ground teams. Freedom's Progress was my first leadership position."_

_Shepard leaned back, the smile still present on his face._

_"Well, like I said back there, it's good to have you back. I guess I can resume my pestering of you about Quarian customs again."_

_"Don't worry, it didn't bother me." _

_'Bother me, Ancestors I **fantasized** about those talks Shepard.'_

_Shepard fell silent, his eyes sweeping the crowd and locking on to a turian sitting on the bench._

_"That's him. C'mon Tali, lets go...talk to him."_

_With that, they left the table and walked over to where the turian -Sidonis- was sitting._

_As they approached, Sidonis looked up and started walking towards them._

_"Are you the guys Fade sent? What the hell is going on, your boss said this would only be a one-time deal!"_

_Shepard smiled, a grin that did not reach his eyes. Tali noted they were glowing a faint red again."_

_"Actually Sidonis, I'm just here to give you a message from your old boss."_

_With that, he stepped aside and raised his right arm. Sidonis looked on in horror as Shepard turned to him, grinned, and dropped his hand down in a chopping motion._

_A single shot barked out. The crowd scattered, screams of panic ringing out as Sidonis dropped to his knees, blood seeping out of a hole through his throat. Shepard leaned in close and Tali just caught the whisper._

_"This is what happens to those who betray their comrades."_

_Tali had watched as Garrus walked out of an alleyway, rejoining them. His face had been lit in the Turian equivalent of a rictus grin._

_"That...that was beautiful Shepard. Thank you for this, I won't forget it."_

_Shepard clasped his hand on Garrus's shoulder._

_"I told you, Garrus, you're my crew. **Nothing** fucks with my crew and lives."_

_"Shepard...I know that's your sentiment, but you just helped me commit murder. You could've reported me or warned him but you let me kill him. That's..."_

_Shepard cut him off._

_"No, Garrus, I didn't help you commit murder. It's only murder when you kill a person. Scum like what you just killed isn't a person, it's just trash. Remember that."_

_He straightened, all seriousness leaving his features._

_"Now, lets go pick up a thief!"_

_As he walked away, Tali had looked at Garrus's face. He was slightly slack-jawed, staring at Shepard's back with an expression Tali instantly recognized. It was the same slightly fanatical devotion Tali herself had expressed upon meeting Shepard._

* * *

It was that face, that expression Garrus had worn, that drove Tali to seek Garrus out in the weapon bay. Shepard had the bad habit of being entirely too trusting at times, and Tali needed to make sure she wasn't the only person on the ship watching out for him.

Garrus looked up as she entered the bay.

"Hey Shep-Tali? What are you doing here?"

She decided that being blunt was probably the best option.

"Garrus, you're loyal to Shepard right?"

"Of course I am, what kind of question is that?"

"No no, I don't doubt you, I just want to know why. From the beginning, you know."

Garrus leaned back, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.

"Well, I suppose the first inkling of it was when he brought me along for the Saren hunt. There I was, just some nobody C-sec agent assigned to a case the whole department knew was a farce, and I hit gold. I _knew_ Saren was dirty. No-one believed me. Then this human comes along and tells me that not only does he believe Saren's dirty, he has proof. Those three words he said to me, 'I believe you', that was what started my loyalty to him."

Tali nodded. It sounded like her tale, Shepard coming along and charming someone in the first few minutes. She gestured for Garrus to continue.

"After that, the whole incident with Dr. Saleon solidified it. You know, a couple of days before that, I'd mentioned it to him. Told him about how Saleon got away from me, about the experiments he performed on people. He told me he agreed with me, that people like that didn't deserve to live. A few days later, he comes up and tells me he's located Saleon's ship. That day, on that ship, Saleon surrendered. Begged me for mercy, told me he'd come along quietly, the whole works. Shepard just looks at me and gives me this nod, like he's saying "Do what you know you need to." So I shot the little salarian bastard. Shepard and I talked about it. I told him it felt good to pull the trigger, that I felt it was justice being delivered. He just gives me this little smirk and says 'Garrus, remember that feeling. That's what real justice feels like. Don't be afraid to do whatever it takes to see justice done.' That right there is why I even went to Omega once Shepard died."

_'That makes sense, Garrus must have been almost as devastated as I was when Shepard died.'_

"So what about what just happened a few days back, with Sidonis?" She asked.

"That? Tali that more then anything told me how important Shepard is. We turians, we have a very disciplined society. The importance of following orders is paramount, but not if the orders are unethical or immoral. There's a term in the turian language," He emitted what sounded to Tali like a series of clicking whistles, "The closest thing in galactic standard I can think of is _Leader-life-trust_. It basically means that you trust your commanding officer so much you don't even think about whether or not his orders are wrong, you just do them. Almost without thinking in some cases."

Tali was starting to see a lot more similarities between her and Garrus than she had originally thought.

"Ok, so if Shepard told you to kill someone..." She began.

'I'd pull the trigger."

"Just like that? We're walking down Zakera ward on the citadel, some asari walks by. Shepard points at her and says 'Garrus, kill her now'. You just...shoot?"

"Yes."

"I'm not calling you a liar Garrus, but why? What would make you willing to do that?"

"Tali, as far as I'm concerned if Shepard thinks someone needs to die then they deserve to die. That's all. That's what," the same series of clicking whistles sounded, "means. That's what Shepard means to me."

This was beyond what she expected. Now Shepard had two people willing to kill for him, no questions asked. Two people she could be sure would always look out for Shepard's best interests, even if the commander himself was unaware of those interests.

"Tali, why the sudden questions? I've seen how you look and act around him, you'd do the same thing. Hell, if Shepard told you he wanted you to kidnap and rape the asari councilor you'd just ask him whether he wanted you to do it in public or not. Why the loyalty drill?"

Shit. Garrus was sharper than she thought.

_'Well, if he's this loyal, I suppose telling him the truth wouldn't hurt.'_

'I'm worried, Garrus. Shepard has such a large heart, He's so trusting. It's a great thing about him, but on a Cerberus ship it's too dangerous and I can't ask him to _not_ be trusting, he just **is**. But I **can** look out for him behind the scenes, and make sure that none of these Cerberus bosh'tets do anything to hurt him.

Garrus stared at her.

"Tali...are you advocating _mutiny_?"

"No, no! Just...you and I, we care about the commander equally, well in different ways of course, but I mean both of us would kill for him or die for him and..."

Garrus chuckled.

"I see. You basically want a sort of pact, an agreement between us. That we keep on our guard around the crew and make sure nothing happens to harm the commander or the mission."

"Yes, basically."

He chuckled again.

"Tali, we've been like that since Saren. But if you want to make it 'official' fine. I'll make sure to keep an eye out on the Cerberus crew, you make sure to keep an eye out on outgoing communications. If we think Cerberus is making a move, bam! We strike."

They moved forward to shake hands. Tali left, heading back down to engineering feeling much more secure than she had before. It was reassuring that Shepard had recruited another of the old crowd amongst the large ensemble he was gathering to himself.

* * *

Tali had known since laying eyes on him that Shepard had a charisma to him, but even she could not fathom how much charm he really had. In the past two weeks alone they had recruited a biotic prisoner, a krogan test tube baby, a hyperactive salarian scientist and a galaxy-famous thief.

It was the thief Kasumi and prisoner Jack that Tali was most worried about, specifically Jack. Beforehand, any females Shepard had gathered to himself had been too meek (Liara) or too rigid (Ashley) to be a concern. Kasumi was flirtatious, irritatingly so, but not overt enough about her feelings to make any moves. Besides, Tali had heard her muttering the name 'Keiji' in her sleep, so she already had someone. Miranda had made no gains on the commander's good nature, if anything her over-rigidity and unthinking devotion to Cerberus had alienated her even further, even if the camera in her room Tali had hacked showed her relieving her tensions to the commander's image.

But Jack was violent and free-spirited, possibly the most free-spirited person Tali had ever seen. She was worryingly compatible and similar to Shepard. Tali frowned. Steps would have to be taken to ensure Jack understood that Shepard was **not** available. Direct confrontation was unwise, Tali had no way of standing up to biotics of Jack's caliber. Sabotage was an option, Jack had made her home in the underside of engineering. Tali knew all too well the dangers an overheated or over-pressurized pipe posed to anyone unfortunate to be near it when it burst. But that was drastic measures, and as such was to be taken only when all other attempts had failed. A burst pipe was less attributable to that damnable A.I, as well, much less so then a failed air scrubber.

As Tali unthinkingly went through the motions to vent heat from the Tantalus, her mind was filled with ways she could approach Jack and **persuade** her to stay away from Shepard.

* * *

**AN: And a wrap. So, less focus on crazy Tali (cept near the end), more focus on Crazy Garrus. Also a hint of Crazy-ass Shepard too.**

**Garrus's little shpiel there is my headcanon on how and why Garrus is so devoted to Shepard (male OR female) and adds a little extra to drive him into "crazy devoted" territory. The concept of a turian "loyalty bond" is as far as I am ware original. Feel free to use it in any Shakarian fics you feel like writing, just give me credit is all. Review my haters! Tell me of how Garrus would NEVER act that way and blahblhblah and watch as I IGNORE you! Or, if you liked it, review and tell me that too.**

**EDIT: I know that the M-55 Argus is ME3 material, but I love that thurr gun so much I put it in early.  
**


End file.
